hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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