i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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