i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
