I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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