I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize