Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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