none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I cockslap morals
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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