Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
