guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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