I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
