is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
only you would photoshop your dick
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
