oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
