wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
