$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
