I'm going to jail i love you
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
