I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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