she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
