I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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