I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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