Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
