can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize