dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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