well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
