My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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