I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
