some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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