a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
