im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
