I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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