hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
