I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
