Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
