i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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