oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
