Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
