so that wasnt chicken after all
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
