That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
