two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
