arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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