My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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