Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
