he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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