have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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