I am puke
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
