matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
