I am midnight drunk by noon
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
