Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
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