He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
