What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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