I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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