She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
