tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
