how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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