She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
