I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
