I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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