Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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