Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
