i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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