She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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