i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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