We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Randomize
