my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
All I want is dick and wine.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
