And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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