Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize