i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
