ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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