The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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