My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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