her vagina looked like bernie madoff
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
