I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
