Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
