i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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