Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize